hello everybody!

i remembered the times i was lost. 

i remembered the times i was crushed.

i remembered the times i was broken.

i remembered i have no one to turn to. 

i remembered i feel so heavy.

heavy with sins.

i remembered i want to tear apart. 

i remembered i have enough of dunya. 

and then i remember that this is all temporary. 

i remember Allah swt. 

i remember there is Him. 

i remember him every second of my life, even when i was sinning. but why did not i sujud in front of him? why did i not feel thankful for everything He gave me? why did i kept sinning? why? 

Cause He did not forget to give me a test. 

a test again and again to bring me back to Him. 

oh how shameful i am feeling right now towards Him.

as i have sinned so much only the Almighty knows. 

oh how desperate i am to pray now as currently right now i am menstruating. 

oh how i want so bad to sujud him and beg Him for forgiveness. 

oh how much i yearn, to talk to Him. 

to my readers, you may have think eh why this girl suddenly so religious ?

i don't know readers, i have no answer to that. 

my heart felt so sore that only He can heal now. 

i teared every single prayer. when i pray, i felt so ease. i cried so much in front of Him. I'm powerless. i cant control my life, i cant. everything is fate. 

it is all about fate. i redha. i tawakkul. 

Cause everything is under the hands of the Almighty.