back to single life. back to being nur azmira.

Assalamualaikum readers. 

i have seen my stats. kinda feel overwhelmed by the number of readers who read my blog. whoever you guys are, thank you for reading about my life. 

so in my previous post, i wrote about how great has it been for my life and my family. and i was thankful. but indeed, the Almighty wants to test me and my family again and again. Alhamdullilah. 

So my niece, Sarah Y, her maid went back her hometown (she got home leave) cause my brother and sister in law were kind enough to give her home leave, and guess what, she never came back. 

yap, now sarah has a problem, cause there is no one to take care of her. 

we are just taking turns to take care of her cause all of us are working. till we wait for the next maid. 

poor thing right. we are still currently waiting for the maid, and hopefully this new maid will take care of sarah sincerely. and all we can ever say is alhamdullilah. cause i believe everything happens for a reason. 

my family is closer now (actually alr close) is just that we are all working so we have no time for each other. but ever since, we stand together to think about the problem we are facing. 

i just realised how awesome(actually she's awesome since ever) my mum is. strong enough to even keep the family together no matter what happens. 

Thank you Allah swt for opening up our eyes. that we hasn't spent time together, and that we cannot depend on people for our ease. 

So yesterday, my mum, my sister, my two nieces and myself went to jurong bird park. it was super chaotic. i mean, all it takes is just an hour. an hour to get all sweaty armpits. and with 5% of energy left. 

and i can be a mother already. HAHA. 

i love how my two nieces know that I'm their aunty, well of course lah haha. 

and about me.. i suffered a recent heartbreak lately. 

well someone whom i love very much left me. he let me go so easily. and to think he's the one who chased me, and made me his gf. yet he so easily let me go in just 4 months. 

after taking my heart, after owning my love, he threw it away. 3 days back. 

i did my part, i did what i can. i know partly it has been my fault. my insecurities is a nuisance. and i have to improve on that, well i got an advice from a good friend saying, to remove insecurities in your life, is to love yourself more. and he is right, i think i have not been loving myself. i allow him to use me in anyway, i allow him in my heart instead of protecting it knowing it has been scarred so many time. 

and my friend said, he loves himself more than me that is why he is perfectly fine without me, and that he does not love me much. 

idk why but this breaks me so much. cause i really love this guy. yet.. maybe this is another test from Him again. i may have forgotten Him, and this is the way for me to fix my relationship with Allah swt, and myself. 

i tot all along was my fault, if only i paid attention to him, if only i haven't been so insecure, if only i haven't been such a child, maybe, he would love me more. but my friend snapped me and said, "no, if the guy loves you, he will never let you go. he just loves himself too much, more than you, he wants to protect himself and not you" 

idk why but this is so heartbreaking cause i tot he is different. 

different from the rest. i don't blame him for leaving me. i just know this is all a test. 

if he is meant to be mine, he will be. 

and the most heartbreaking message he sent me was, "i don miss you much" when i missed him so much only Allah swt knows. 

all this is a lesson for me, a person can change so much if he has no intention to be part in your life. 

i guess this is my fate. my love life has always been horrible, you readers should know if you have been reading. 

i accepted this test. i know everything happens for a reason. 

i did not eat for 2 days cause of this. yeah, ikr. I'm the person who love food. and i know i was like this 4 years back. but this time round, i told myself to fix relationship with Allah swt and love myself more. so don't do this to myself. 

it's hard cause every single time i close my eyes, i see him, i see elfee. which is why i haven't been sleeping so well even now. but i used the time to pray and pray. may Allah swt strengthen my weak heart. 

and so it's mayday. its may now, and 2017 hasn't been well for me so far. lots of things happen, but i don't blame anyone. i am just thankful instead. cause Allah swt shows me he still love me to give me all this test. 

alhamdullilah. 

in shaa allah, things will be better from now onwards, and i hope i can be stronger now than ever. 

i can DO THIS. 

its tough cause it has been 3 days, my heart still aching so bad, but in shaa allah, He will show me the way. 

and to you guys readers, thank you for reading. ill be fine. ill be perfectly fine. i have been thru worse. 

and this time round i promised myself to stand strong. and be a good servant to Allah swt.

wherever he is, whatever he is doing, i know he is perfectly fine without me. memories stay, i will never forget how special he made me feel, how he treated me, how he remember every single habit of me. what i like what i dislike.
if you ever reading this, pls know i loved you very much and this is why i let you go. cause i respect you. respect how much you want to protect your heart from me. thank you for everything.

and if we ever crossed path again, well idk. only Allah swt knows.
you may be someone's husband already.

till then, ill be here fixing my heart.