I guess it's time for me to pour this out since im turning 21 soon and being complicated in love is exhausting.
Well, my story goes like this..
I was 16 when i met my first love, MNS, and whom i thought was my last. I remember i loved him so much that nothing else does matter. It was just me and him. And he was just an amazing guy i had ever met. He loved me for who i am and i love him for who he is. Things went really wrong when my family got to know about our relationship. I remembered how much i hated my family for that, and i thought he was really brave to confront my mother. Thinking back now, i thought it was ridiculous. And then we dated behind my family's back, and continue with the relationship till about 5 months maybe? And then this guy's true self showed up. I heard by many of his friends about how much he loved me dearly and all especially those times when he sneak peeked at my class. HAHA it was ridiculous sia. *playing love story by Taylor Swift* However, he seems to can't forget about his past love. Therefore, he decided to chase after someone else behind my back. Sad right? I cried alot alot alot during that time and it was O'level period. (Still i made it for O's) When i got to know about it, i swear i hate him but love him at the same time and do not know what to do. And i really cant let go of him. And i know he was using me. Like whenever the girl he chased doesnt bother him, he will come to me. My life was horrible. BUT. His bestfriends were amazing. Always stand by me. And till now, they are still my friends. I was lucky to have them by my side when they see how their bestfriend treated me like shit.
Last time, it was really hard to let go of this first ex of mine. Really really hard. It's like no matter what he did, i still loved him. And i don't know why i am so stupid. 1 year of my youth is wasted in loving 1 person who turned my life upside down.
So what happen next? Well i kept in touch with my guy bestfriend in pri school (but now not a bestfriend anymore) and pour out my troubles and everything to him. Until the day when he decided to ask me out. I felt a pinch of love when i went out with this bestfriend of mine.
the picture above was him. was a repost of a my previous blogpost. I thought he was the best bestfriend ever in my life until he told me to be his girlfriend. i was thinking that i should say no cause who knows what may happen later onwards right? but still i stupidly said yes. and so we dated for 5 months and i don feel any love towards him. i was thinking hey it was not love, i genuinely treat him like a bestfriend and not more than that. But he doesnt understand. He thought i was cheating him behind his back, I don't. im sorry. he was the guy i really hurt like crazy. i know i hurt you so much and im so sorry. i wish we were bestfriend again but im happy for you now cause you found someone who love you genuinely. We were never meant to be lovers. but i guess the road for us was like this.
and then there was this Chinese boy whom i dated as he was my friend's friend. i remembered i texted the wrong number and it turns out to be my friend's friend. small world.
this above picture was the only picture i had for both of us. and of course it was a repost. we lasted for only about a month. and the reason why was his father had found out and you know, it's just race problem and our love was not that strong enough to overcome it.
and then there was this guy whom i dated for some time, K. he was a really nice guy. but one thing was, whenever he replied me it was always always always HOURS. and his temper was one of a kind. he was a busy man as he had a financial problem so he worked and worked like crazy. (a reason why he always replied me late) one thing i know, he loved me. and i loved him. but then again, we are not meant to be as he dont have time for me at all. and maybe i dont love him that much to endure that. and being with a guy who gave you little attention, is exhausting.
Till i met this amazing guy in the universe.
he was a shy guy, and doesn't talk much. but i know he loved me dearly and loved me for who i am. he is the kind of guy all girls want. he will give you all the attention you want no matter how busy he is. he is my strongest and longest relationship ever. He showed me the meaning of love and how deep a guy can love a girl. he let me forget my painful past and move on with my life to becoming a better person. he showed me that not all guys are bastards and not all guys are like shit. he showed me that kind guy still exist. however, things happen, that our 2 years have to end like this. i guess after i had let go of my past, i need to spread my wings and be independent. i wan to learn to live being a single person. i wan to experience having a crush and being crushed, i wan to spend my entire time with my family and friends. Cause i thought i had always spend 80% of my time to my relationship. it is time to spread my wings and fly away. he let me go eventually like a father bird told his girl to fly. i wanna thank this guy who came to my life and save me from my complicated life. And thanks to him, im slowly knowing my priorities and my goals in life and whatever that i want to achieve which i cant during my youth.
So you readers may ask whether if i still love him? Well, is complicated cause right now, i just wan to focus in my career in family. i thought this was way more important, so yes, i can say that eventually my feelings for him will fade, it's just a matter of time. and so if we are meant to be, we will be.
FUH! finally let out of my past. Im single and happy now, and when i sees my ex outside, i think i can even "diao" at them HAHA. but i will be forever grateful to my last.
And should i ever get into another relationship, i'll promise myself to make it the last.
THANK YOU FOR READING!
