when was the last time i had a good laugh?

even though work has been frustrating but hey, it was awesome. 

met my close friends/colleagues and indeed made my day. 

"you deserve it lah" 

so this is what my friend told me straight to my face when i told her the guy i loved left me. 

haha bloody arse this woman. 

true enough, i guess nothing will ever work out when come to me, in the very first place, it has been me. 

so therefore, from today onwards, i will strive to continue reflecting on my attitude, on myself. 

he is never coming back and a lot of people told me to stop waiting for him, cause he had enough of me already cause i was such a bitch to him. leave him alone.

hahaha. 

i cant believe still a girl like me still have people who love me. i totally don't deserve this. haha

anyway I'm fine now readers. 

i begin to accept the fact that he is never coming back, and i shall not wait. 

alright, get that to your head mira. 

bye readers!

hello everybody!

i remembered the times i was lost. 

i remembered the times i was crushed.

i remembered the times i was broken.

i remembered i have no one to turn to. 

i remembered i feel so heavy.

heavy with sins.

i remembered i want to tear apart. 

i remembered i have enough of dunya. 

and then i remember that this is all temporary. 

i remember Allah swt. 

i remember there is Him. 

i remember him every second of my life, even when i was sinning. but why did not i sujud in front of him? why did i not feel thankful for everything He gave me? why did i kept sinning? why? 

Cause He did not forget to give me a test. 

a test again and again to bring me back to Him. 

oh how shameful i am feeling right now towards Him.

as i have sinned so much only the Almighty knows. 

oh how desperate i am to pray now as currently right now i am menstruating. 

oh how i want so bad to sujud him and beg Him for forgiveness. 

oh how much i yearn, to talk to Him. 

to my readers, you may have think eh why this girl suddenly so religious ?

i don't know readers, i have no answer to that. 

my heart felt so sore that only He can heal now. 

i teared every single prayer. when i pray, i felt so ease. i cried so much in front of Him. I'm powerless. i cant control my life, i cant. everything is fate. 

it is all about fate. i redha. i tawakkul. 

Cause everything is under the hands of the Almighty. 

May Allah swt grant me patience. For patience there's rewards.

Ya Allah oh Ya Allah, for You has given me so many tests in my 24 years of my life. but no other test is greater than You, Ya Allah. 

it has been a week since my heartbreak, and there is no news from him. 

Allah swt showed me how human can change, but He will never change. 

only Allah swt knows how much i love this guy, and only Allah swt knows how hurt i am when he left me. i had a few heartbreaks, but this is just so wow. 

it drives me to Allah swt, made me cry to my Creator countless times, i prayed 5 times per day which i usually don't, i tend to neglect my prayers, tend to forget how thankful i am to Him. for the blessings and some blessings which i don't deserve. Allah swt shows me theres more to life. trust him. tawakkul tawakkul. only for Allah swt, i might be donning hijab. but I'm scared, but in shaa allah, Allah swt my love, will guide me.

dear elfee, if you are ever reading this, I've tried for a week. I guess you just don't love me like u used to. you are different from the first time i met you. just know one thing, i loved you very much. i cherished the memories we created together, the time we spent together. in shaa allah, allah swt makes us cross path each other again should we are meant to be together. 

my heart is still very sore but hopefully Allah swt able to heal it for me.

i regretted everything i have done in the past. I'm a sinner. 

we are all a sinner. 

astarghfiruallah. a reminder to myself love Allah swt before anyone else, for Allah swt love is greater than even a mother. Masyaallah. 

it's friday and we are still living. alhamdullilah. 

guys, hopefully you are otw to masjid for solat jumaat. 

i pray that we all have a good day today. 

May Allah swt bless and protect us all. 

Amin.

day 6.

hey readers. it's the 6th day of my heartbreak and i am handling it well. i am still alive all thanks to the Almighty. and He heals my heart slowly day by day. i learnt that one has to have a lot of patience for surely the pain will slowly go way with the help from the Almighty. 

Amin amin amin alhamdulillah. i am so thankful that my prayers are fixed now. and I'm trying my best to learn as many ayat as i can. i want to give Him the best in each and every one of my prayer. 

this time round i am serious in changing myself, i guess elf really made a huge impact on me. may Allah swt bless him. and i want to thank Allah swt for the pain he cause me. i survived this pain cause of Allah swt. amin amin amin. 

it's gonna be a week, and hopefully Allah swt answers my prayer, as i really wish to hear elf's voice and see him again in dunya in shaa allah. 

we don't text often as always anymore and that doesn't matter anymore, i am so proud of myself for surviving a disease called broken heart.

in shaa allah everything will go smoothy from now on, with Allah swt 's grace and blessing. 

starting work today, night duty, and i think i got a lot of work to do. 

1. ortho presentation

2. blood transfusion competency 

3. TPN (hopefully my grade is fine) 

4. complete my wound competency 

and i will prolly discuss with my boss regarding my future plan.. i mean, i have money it's just, its meant for my family, i hope ntfgh willing to sponsor me in adv dip and degree. in shaa allah. i can only pray cause rezeki only comes from Allah swt. amin. 

Tawakkul. Trust His plans. where everything happens for a reason. 

in shaa allah.

may allah swt bless and protect us all. amin.

asallamualaikum readers.

day 4.

its day 4 of heartbreak. I'm trying extremely hard to move on. i can do this. 

i know he is fine without me. 

and i have to be fine without him.

tho my soul and heart breaks so much. its breaking apart. 

keep praying everyday, for me to forget him, somehow i just cant. 

we are just friends now. 

and i have to accept that. cause that is what he wants. i have to respect him, maybe he can find a better girl than me. 

who won't treat him like how i treated him. 

but i know one thing, i love him. i still do. and idk when will i ever move on.

back to single life. back to being nur azmira.

Assalamualaikum readers. 

i have seen my stats. kinda feel overwhelmed by the number of readers who read my blog. whoever you guys are, thank you for reading about my life. 

so in my previous post, i wrote about how great has it been for my life and my family. and i was thankful. but indeed, the Almighty wants to test me and my family again and again. Alhamdullilah. 

So my niece, Sarah Y, her maid went back her hometown (she got home leave) cause my brother and sister in law were kind enough to give her home leave, and guess what, she never came back. 

yap, now sarah has a problem, cause there is no one to take care of her. 

we are just taking turns to take care of her cause all of us are working. till we wait for the next maid. 

poor thing right. we are still currently waiting for the maid, and hopefully this new maid will take care of sarah sincerely. and all we can ever say is alhamdullilah. cause i believe everything happens for a reason. 

my family is closer now (actually alr close) is just that we are all working so we have no time for each other. but ever since, we stand together to think about the problem we are facing. 

i just realised how awesome(actually she's awesome since ever) my mum is. strong enough to even keep the family together no matter what happens. 

Thank you Allah swt for opening up our eyes. that we hasn't spent time together, and that we cannot depend on people for our ease. 

So yesterday, my mum, my sister, my two nieces and myself went to jurong bird park. it was super chaotic. i mean, all it takes is just an hour. an hour to get all sweaty armpits. and with 5% of energy left. 

and i can be a mother already. HAHA. 

i love how my two nieces know that I'm their aunty, well of course lah haha. 

and about me.. i suffered a recent heartbreak lately. 

well someone whom i love very much left me. he let me go so easily. and to think he's the one who chased me, and made me his gf. yet he so easily let me go in just 4 months. 

after taking my heart, after owning my love, he threw it away. 3 days back. 

i did my part, i did what i can. i know partly it has been my fault. my insecurities is a nuisance. and i have to improve on that, well i got an advice from a good friend saying, to remove insecurities in your life, is to love yourself more. and he is right, i think i have not been loving myself. i allow him to use me in anyway, i allow him in my heart instead of protecting it knowing it has been scarred so many time. 

and my friend said, he loves himself more than me that is why he is perfectly fine without me, and that he does not love me much. 

idk why but this breaks me so much. cause i really love this guy. yet.. maybe this is another test from Him again. i may have forgotten Him, and this is the way for me to fix my relationship with Allah swt, and myself. 

i tot all along was my fault, if only i paid attention to him, if only i haven't been so insecure, if only i haven't been such a child, maybe, he would love me more. but my friend snapped me and said, "no, if the guy loves you, he will never let you go. he just loves himself too much, more than you, he wants to protect himself and not you" 

idk why but this is so heartbreaking cause i tot he is different. 

different from the rest. i don't blame him for leaving me. i just know this is all a test. 

if he is meant to be mine, he will be. 

and the most heartbreaking message he sent me was, "i don miss you much" when i missed him so much only Allah swt knows. 

all this is a lesson for me, a person can change so much if he has no intention to be part in your life. 

i guess this is my fate. my love life has always been horrible, you readers should know if you have been reading. 

i accepted this test. i know everything happens for a reason. 

i did not eat for 2 days cause of this. yeah, ikr. I'm the person who love food. and i know i was like this 4 years back. but this time round, i told myself to fix relationship with Allah swt and love myself more. so don't do this to myself. 

it's hard cause every single time i close my eyes, i see him, i see elfee. which is why i haven't been sleeping so well even now. but i used the time to pray and pray. may Allah swt strengthen my weak heart. 

and so it's mayday. its may now, and 2017 hasn't been well for me so far. lots of things happen, but i don't blame anyone. i am just thankful instead. cause Allah swt shows me he still love me to give me all this test. 

alhamdullilah. 

in shaa allah, things will be better from now onwards, and i hope i can be stronger now than ever. 

i can DO THIS. 

its tough cause it has been 3 days, my heart still aching so bad, but in shaa allah, He will show me the way. 

and to you guys readers, thank you for reading. ill be fine. ill be perfectly fine. i have been thru worse. 

and this time round i promised myself to stand strong. and be a good servant to Allah swt.

wherever he is, whatever he is doing, i know he is perfectly fine without me. memories stay, i will never forget how special he made me feel, how he treated me, how he remember every single habit of me. what i like what i dislike.
if you ever reading this, pls know i loved you very much and this is why i let you go. cause i respect you. respect how much you want to protect your heart from me. thank you for everything.

and if we ever crossed path again, well idk. only Allah swt knows.
you may be someone's husband already.

till then, ill be here fixing my heart.