weakness.

hey there everyone. well, i just wanted to type it out so yeah.

to my loyal readers, thank you for reading. 

but i think i need help. 

idk, idk whats wrong with me but there's always one thing that i will never learn from my prev past relationships. never. 

1. i still like to look at my bf's past. and lookout his past gfs.

2. i still stalk bf past like crazy. to the extent of stalking his past photos ands post. 

3. i still continue to hurt myself by seeing his past posts. 

4. i still think that he can never love me as much as he love the girls from his past. 

i remember my prev ex, indra hidayat told me this is my very weakness that he could not take it, and not only him but, elfee too. 

idk, idk how to help myself from getting rid of all this negative feelings.

i know he loved me. but i am just so good at pushing people who loved me away. 

i suck at rs. i think thats why my rs has always failed. 

cause time and time again im hurting myself with his past. 

i just cannot. 

am i the only one who has this weakness ? im such a problematic girl. no wonder all the guys who loved me cant stand me anymore. 

how? what if khairrul cant stand me too. 

i just wanted to cry (in fact i am crying) when i saw his prev post with his ex, saying he went stargazing (and he planning to stargaze with me) , he has couple shirts with them (which i planning to couple with him) he had couple rings with them.. he loved them wholeheartedly.

i guess im selfish when come to love. i want him to love me and only me. and say good things to me. 

he is everything i ask for although he has abit of flaws but im sure he is the one for me..

but i just cant help but to think of the past girls he's with.

i cant help it..

help...

what do i do.. 

i have already fought with him over this and it hurts, and idw to talk it to him cause im afraid, history will repeat. and he will leave me cause i am just so annoying..

come to think of it, how did my ex even tahan me for years?

i think i gave them all the good reason to cheat on me. 

1. salikin tahan me for 2 years? 

2. izzi ): for 2 years also.

3. hidayat for 2 years too.. 

and elfee my ex date for 4 months.. 

and i wonder how long he can tahan me this khairrul. 

hais

im just a sucker at keeping someone i love. 

help. idk how to keep someone in my pocket. all i do is to suspect them, and look back at their past and hurt them and push them away from my life..

help. i love him very much but i cant help but to be hurt by his past.

hais.

i am just so so down.