Troubled

for the past few months i have trouble sleeping and i hate this. i have no idea what's troubling me and why isn't my heart is at ease. and i have no intention to share it with anyone not even my mum. 

i just think i can handle this myself but as days pass by, i find it so hard. 

though i have been working non stop for the past few days, and although i have no night shift but PAPAPA shift is a pain. and with only a day off , it's not enough rest. but in a way i kinda like it cause work distracts my mind. me, who overthinks too much. 

i realised as i get older, my patience seems to be running out. nevertheless, i love my job, i love serving those patients of mine who needs me, who depends on me. somehow after my bond finishes on 19 may, i have no idea what to do. 

degree? advanced diploma? i have no idea man, i have no idea whether to further advance in nursing career. but then again, besides nursing what else can i do? 

i sucks at being a salesman, i hate promoting product. i sucks at being in customer service, cause i have no idea whats my purpose. i cant see myself in other uniforms except nursing. 

nursing is the only thing that i willing to work for life for. but i don't know man. you see, again, i am confused. but my patients always make me smile unknowingly, especially those little ah ma and ah gong. i guess i really love working in the ward and the environment of the hospital. and i guess i need a break but i have no idea where i can go. 

i hate traveling alone but then again i don't have much friends to go with, everybody has their own life to deal with. my mum is busy with my sister's stuff that is going on, i mean she's moving out of the house and everybody gets angsty cause there's just so much to do. let me tell you guys, at least 60% of the stuff in my house belongs to my sister. 

i know right. but march is gonna be a breeze cause I'm working non stop again, my roster is such a pain. by end of the march, the house will be empty. 

come to think of it, after many years, finally my sister and brother has their own family and they are on their own. kinda sad though but oh wells, life has to move on. 

i guess from there i just focus on my fitness training. 

though I've been eating crap, hahaha, hey actually my craps are expensive craps. 

so broke now, and pay day is like 6 more days. dammit. 

kinda feel much better after blogging, i think this was the exact reason why i created a blog 10 years back. haha I'm such a geek. 

in my 24 years of my life i must say i have been hated, been loved, been accused, been lost, been cheated on, been lied to, been liked by people I've met. but also, I've lied, I've cheated, I've loved, I've hated, i've liked, I've accused and I've lost those who really treat me like their world.

i wish i can go to them and apologised, for treating them like trash, i have my regrets, i have hurt people who don't deserve to be treated yet i complaint that i am not supposed to be treated such. life is really like a roller coaster, we have our ups and downs, we have our own taste of life. 

kinda envy those people who have settled down, like career settled, marriage life settled, family life settled, billings life settled and they seem to have nothing to worry about. but then my mum told me, everybody has their own story, a storybook cant be so perfect. kinda true, but then i will think again, they have everything, whats their story then?

alright i guess i stop typing now. gonna rest for a bit and out to work. PM shift today and tomorrow AM. hate this transition like really hahaha. 

thank you readers for reading.