an option.

life. we will never get satisfied with what we have. 

and then we make people who hang around with us becomes an option. 

an option for our needs. basically a standby in case you feel lonely, there's always someone who is an option for you can spend time with. 

selfish huh? we are all selfish in a way because we want to feel good. we want to make sure we are not hurt by anything. we want to protect our heart. in a way, we hurt others. and that is bad, cause karma is always there. in the end, you'll feel hurt. 

so what's the point? if you find out you're an option, let him/her go. you deserve so much better. and you on the other hand, think twice of who you had made someone an option, let him/her go as well. life is too short to hurt someone. we should never break someones heart just to mend ours. selfish. too selfish. 

and when you let go, you'll realise how awesome it feels. 

thats when you're finally matured. matured in a way. you can handle relationships. and life. 

and people, if you have someone who willing to love you, willing to know about you, willing to go all out with you, give him/her a chance. don't shut them. never treat someone who treat you like their world, like shit. please. never. you should jolly well know how it feels to be taken for granted. 

be with them, get along with them. love them. open your heart. 

and to the people who took you for granted, they don't know what they have lost. they don't know you can sacrifice your life for him/her. they will not know no matter how many times you tell them. they are blinded. blinded by how lucky they are. 

i find people who have someone who can go against all odds for them are lucky, yet i feel sad that these people are not appreciated, often or not they are being treated like trash and this is the reason why there is no such thing as true love. they turn dark, turn mean, and hurt the people who can do the same. 

life. it is just so overwhelming. 

make it simple. 

love people who love you.

be happy with whatever you have right now.

realise how lucky you are.

and let go. 

have a nice day readers. (:

Troubled

for the past few months i have trouble sleeping and i hate this. i have no idea what's troubling me and why isn't my heart is at ease. and i have no intention to share it with anyone not even my mum. 

i just think i can handle this myself but as days pass by, i find it so hard. 

though i have been working non stop for the past few days, and although i have no night shift but PAPAPA shift is a pain. and with only a day off , it's not enough rest. but in a way i kinda like it cause work distracts my mind. me, who overthinks too much. 

i realised as i get older, my patience seems to be running out. nevertheless, i love my job, i love serving those patients of mine who needs me, who depends on me. somehow after my bond finishes on 19 may, i have no idea what to do. 

degree? advanced diploma? i have no idea man, i have no idea whether to further advance in nursing career. but then again, besides nursing what else can i do? 

i sucks at being a salesman, i hate promoting product. i sucks at being in customer service, cause i have no idea whats my purpose. i cant see myself in other uniforms except nursing. 

nursing is the only thing that i willing to work for life for. but i don't know man. you see, again, i am confused. but my patients always make me smile unknowingly, especially those little ah ma and ah gong. i guess i really love working in the ward and the environment of the hospital. and i guess i need a break but i have no idea where i can go. 

i hate traveling alone but then again i don't have much friends to go with, everybody has their own life to deal with. my mum is busy with my sister's stuff that is going on, i mean she's moving out of the house and everybody gets angsty cause there's just so much to do. let me tell you guys, at least 60% of the stuff in my house belongs to my sister. 

i know right. but march is gonna be a breeze cause I'm working non stop again, my roster is such a pain. by end of the march, the house will be empty. 

come to think of it, after many years, finally my sister and brother has their own family and they are on their own. kinda sad though but oh wells, life has to move on. 

i guess from there i just focus on my fitness training. 

though I've been eating crap, hahaha, hey actually my craps are expensive craps. 

so broke now, and pay day is like 6 more days. dammit. 

kinda feel much better after blogging, i think this was the exact reason why i created a blog 10 years back. haha I'm such a geek. 

in my 24 years of my life i must say i have been hated, been loved, been accused, been lost, been cheated on, been lied to, been liked by people I've met. but also, I've lied, I've cheated, I've loved, I've hated, i've liked, I've accused and I've lost those who really treat me like their world.

i wish i can go to them and apologised, for treating them like trash, i have my regrets, i have hurt people who don't deserve to be treated yet i complaint that i am not supposed to be treated such. life is really like a roller coaster, we have our ups and downs, we have our own taste of life. 

kinda envy those people who have settled down, like career settled, marriage life settled, family life settled, billings life settled and they seem to have nothing to worry about. but then my mum told me, everybody has their own story, a storybook cant be so perfect. kinda true, but then i will think again, they have everything, whats their story then?

alright i guess i stop typing now. gonna rest for a bit and out to work. PM shift today and tomorrow AM. hate this transition like really hahaha. 

thank you readers for reading.

thehandsomes

We met 7 years back and we are still going strong. <3 p="">

super thankful and grateful i have them. 

i think i can even picture them with their grey hairs. hahaha. i guess thats about it isn't it. you love them, you picture them getting old. cause you know you'll stay with them until that age. 

i used to look forward this date years back, but now it's just another date. 

do you guys have those days when you really think back? what you have done for the past years. 

all i know, i survived. doesn't feel like blogging. just want to continue my netflix.

thats my valentine 2017. heh. Netflix and bed.

and to all couples out there stay true to each other, Happy V day!

coffee is life. and so is modern family.

i miss you. I'm trying my best to not say this to you, but i really miss you. i kept thinking and hoping you'll be okay wherever you are. i don't know if you ever read my blog or will you ever know. all i know i was pushed away, and i shall go. 

everyday i kept telling myself, to go, away from you. cause i know you want me to. you want me to have my own life and be in my own world. you won't miss me, you don't want me. and i have to accept that fact. the fact that you're happier without me. 

i have yet to delete our photos. 

you're the first i dated after 4 years, and it has to happen like this. i was wrong. i should never give myself a chance to love cause whenever i try to, ill lose. maybe i have no power i have no say i have no rights to love someone. as usual. cause its karma. 

i hurt people and people will definitely hurt me back. 

but i will, and shall move on from you. 

wish me luck.