always be grateful no matter what

i miss my long hair. 

and i miss my 60kg body weight. 

now im like omg, okay i really have to start my diet alr lah. 

no more eating nonsense. at least when im not outside. 

and when im working. 

lets just start with simple workout for a week. 

200 jumping jacks. 

10 second planking 

30 sit ups. 

just this. okay? and to eat moderately. 

hmm but today is pay day, and i feel like eating pastamania haha. 

okay no. 

chicken breast, egg and edamame later. 

night duty later, so im not gonna eat during the shift. 

i try my best to lose 5kg within this month ok? have to do this. 

ups and downs

3 years in nursing were not easy. but thanks to good colleagues, i had overcome it all. 

i made the right choice to be one hehe.

so in 3-4 years time someone said he will marry me, and im thinking how would it be like being a married woman? haha lol

been in and out of relationship in my life, i hope this current one is my last. 

working has been way way so tired these days, cant wait for Sunday though, cause it's our 2nd. 

monthsary haha. and it has been way too long i had a proper date with khairrul affien. 

cant wait for a good long date with my fav human. 

grateful.

hello everyone! 

tomorrow is gonna be our first monthsary. hehe. 

yes the 6th. 

and i am so excited to give him the gift which i bought weeks back.

thank you for taking away all my insecurities aside. for taking your time to come down and explain to me about your past and tell me not to probe so much on it. 

thank you for being so patient with me explaining things all over again bby. 

everybody knows how annoying ill get and how easy for me to get so jealous. 

most importantly, thank you for fetching me from home and met my mum. 

i feel so secure when im with you i really dont know why haha. 

love you to the moon K. <3 p="">

see you tomorrow after work. 

weakness.

hey there everyone. well, i just wanted to type it out so yeah.

to my loyal readers, thank you for reading. 

but i think i need help. 

idk, idk whats wrong with me but there's always one thing that i will never learn from my prev past relationships. never. 

1. i still like to look at my bf's past. and lookout his past gfs.

2. i still stalk bf past like crazy. to the extent of stalking his past photos ands post. 

3. i still continue to hurt myself by seeing his past posts. 

4. i still think that he can never love me as much as he love the girls from his past. 

i remember my prev ex, indra hidayat told me this is my very weakness that he could not take it, and not only him but, elfee too. 

idk, idk how to help myself from getting rid of all this negative feelings.

i know he loved me. but i am just so good at pushing people who loved me away. 

i suck at rs. i think thats why my rs has always failed. 

cause time and time again im hurting myself with his past. 

i just cannot. 

am i the only one who has this weakness ? im such a problematic girl. no wonder all the guys who loved me cant stand me anymore. 

how? what if khairrul cant stand me too. 

i just wanted to cry (in fact i am crying) when i saw his prev post with his ex, saying he went stargazing (and he planning to stargaze with me) , he has couple shirts with them (which i planning to couple with him) he had couple rings with them.. he loved them wholeheartedly.

i guess im selfish when come to love. i want him to love me and only me. and say good things to me. 

he is everything i ask for although he has abit of flaws but im sure he is the one for me..

but i just cant help but to think of the past girls he's with.

i cant help it..

help...

what do i do.. 

i have already fought with him over this and it hurts, and idw to talk it to him cause im afraid, history will repeat. and he will leave me cause i am just so annoying..

come to think of it, how did my ex even tahan me for years?

i think i gave them all the good reason to cheat on me. 

1. salikin tahan me for 2 years? 

2. izzi ): for 2 years also.

3. hidayat for 2 years too.. 

and elfee my ex date for 4 months.. 

and i wonder how long he can tahan me this khairrul. 

hais

im just a sucker at keeping someone i love. 

help. idk how to keep someone in my pocket. all i do is to suspect them, and look back at their past and hurt them and push them away from my life..

help. i love him very much but i cant help but to be hurt by his past.

hais.

i am just so so down.

my life is such a roller coaster.

hello readers! it's been so long isnt it? haha. 

yap im back updating. 

and just wanna type it down. 

i have been a staff nurse for 3 years already. 

and i finally decided to take bachelor in nursing. 

financially i am alright and i think i can handle it,  with the great support from my family especially my mum, i want to thank her for everything in life, and i want to make sure she retired by 60 years old. i think she deserve the rest and everything on this earth. 

my mum who sacrificed her youth just for her kids, i think its the most admirable thing ever. and i hate those who disrespect her. i make sure my future in law respect her. 

"the best relationship usually begins unexpectedly" 

and this is soooo true. 

he is not perfect, but he is so perfect to my eyes. 

and yap how we met, how we know each other it is just so unexpected. 

and im pretty sure he is my last, in shaa allah. 

so it has been a month since we know each other, and im so glad and happy you've made us official. 

thank you for loving me.

thank you for being such a gentleman each time we are out. 

thank you for cooking for me during our SG buffet, thank you for ordering food for me. thank you for rejecting me going dutch, you're just so precious to me. 

thank you for thinking of me first before yourself. i have always been thinking of others before myself, even when im with someone, but with you, nope. you treat me so special. youre just so different and special syg. 

you really are one of the precious gems.

i dont know what i do to deserve you but i definitely deserve you and vice versa.

for cycling hard and studying hard, for the future, thank you. 

and it may not be easy, but together we can do it ok. 

i know sometimes times are tough and hard for you, but you'll pull through it. 

i want to show you the world, and some shitless and spineless man who only knows how to complaint, how awesome you are. 

i will always keep him in my prayer.

thank you for making me love someone whole heartedly again. 

and our journey begins, Khairrul Affien. (":

when was the last time i had a good laugh?

even though work has been frustrating but hey, it was awesome. 

met my close friends/colleagues and indeed made my day. 

"you deserve it lah" 

so this is what my friend told me straight to my face when i told her the guy i loved left me. 

haha bloody arse this woman. 

true enough, i guess nothing will ever work out when come to me, in the very first place, it has been me. 

so therefore, from today onwards, i will strive to continue reflecting on my attitude, on myself. 

he is never coming back and a lot of people told me to stop waiting for him, cause he had enough of me already cause i was such a bitch to him. leave him alone.

hahaha. 

i cant believe still a girl like me still have people who love me. i totally don't deserve this. haha

anyway I'm fine now readers. 

i begin to accept the fact that he is never coming back, and i shall not wait. 

alright, get that to your head mira. 

bye readers!

hello everybody!

i remembered the times i was lost. 

i remembered the times i was crushed.

i remembered the times i was broken.

i remembered i have no one to turn to. 

i remembered i feel so heavy.

heavy with sins.

i remembered i want to tear apart. 

i remembered i have enough of dunya. 

and then i remember that this is all temporary. 

i remember Allah swt. 

i remember there is Him. 

i remember him every second of my life, even when i was sinning. but why did not i sujud in front of him? why did i not feel thankful for everything He gave me? why did i kept sinning? why? 

Cause He did not forget to give me a test. 

a test again and again to bring me back to Him. 

oh how shameful i am feeling right now towards Him.

as i have sinned so much only the Almighty knows. 

oh how desperate i am to pray now as currently right now i am menstruating. 

oh how i want so bad to sujud him and beg Him for forgiveness. 

oh how much i yearn, to talk to Him. 

to my readers, you may have think eh why this girl suddenly so religious ?

i don't know readers, i have no answer to that. 

my heart felt so sore that only He can heal now. 

i teared every single prayer. when i pray, i felt so ease. i cried so much in front of Him. I'm powerless. i cant control my life, i cant. everything is fate. 

it is all about fate. i redha. i tawakkul. 

Cause everything is under the hands of the Almighty.